Affirming vs. Empowering: What's the Difference for LGBTQIA+ People of Faith?

You may have noticed more churches using the word affirming.

That is good news.

It means more congregations are speaking clearly against anti-LGBTQIA+ messages. More pastors are preaching that LGBTQIA+ people are beloved by God. More churches are opening their doors, their communion tables, and sometimes even their wedding calendars.

But there is an important question beneath the word:

Are LGBTQIA+ people only being welcomed into the church, or are they being empowered to help lead it?

At Safe Harbor MCC, we believe there is a difference.

An affirming church says, “You belong here.”

An empowering church says, “You belong here, and your gifts, leadership, wisdom, and lived experience are needed here.”

You are not only received.

You are equipped.

You are not only included in the life of the church.

You are invited to help shape it.

Affirming is important

Let’s begin with generosity.

Becoming an affirming church is meaningful work. For many congregations, it requires years of prayer, study, conversation, courage, and change. In some denominations, entire churches and denominations have split over LGBTQIA+ inclusion.

So when a church moves from rejection to affirmation, that movement matters.

An affirming church generally believes that LGBTQIA+ people are fully loved by God and should not be asked to hide, change, or apologize for who they are. An affirming church may welcome LGBTQIA+ people into worship, membership, communion, marriage, teaching, and leadership.

That can be life-giving.

It can be the difference between returning to church and never walking through the doors again.

It can be the difference between carrying shame and beginning to heal.

It can be the first place where you hear, perhaps after many years:

God has not rejected you.

For some churches, affirming language represents a profound transformation. We honor that work. We honor the people who have helped their congregations take those steps. We honor the LGBTQIA+ people who have patiently told the truth about their lives and their faith.

Affirmation matters.

But affirmation is not always the same as empowerment.

Affirming describes how you are received

When we talk about an affirming church, we are often talking about the way LGBTQIA+ people are received.

Are you welcomed at the door?

Are you addressed by your correct name and pronouns?

Are your relationships respected?

Can you worship without being singled out, corrected, or treated as a problem to solve?

Are you safe from sermons and policies that describe your identity as sinful?

These questions matter.

An affirming church should be a place where you do not have to prepare yourself for spiritual injury. You should not have to wonder whether the warm welcome will disappear when someone learns that you are transgender, bisexual, nonbinary, queer, married to someone of the same gender, or still discerning how you name yourself.

You should not have to become less of yourself to be accepted.

In our earlier post, How to Find an Affirming Church Without Getting Hurt Again, we talked about the importance of looking beyond a church’s website or welcome statement. “Everyone is welcome” can mean many things. It is wise to ask what a congregation actually believes, practices, and protects.

That kind of discernment can help you find an affirming church that is truly safe.

It can also help you ask the next question:

Once I am welcomed, will I be trusted with real responsibility and real power?

Empowering describes how you are equipped

An empowering church does not stop at welcoming you.

An empowering church sees you as a person with gifts for ministry.

You may be called to preach.

You may be called to teach.

You may be called to organize, sing, serve, counsel, create, visit, advocate, pray, lead, or simply help make room for someone else.

Your identity is not a distraction from your faith.

Your identity is part of the life experience through which God has formed you.

That does not mean every LGBTQIA+ person must become a pastor or committee chair. It does not mean you have to prove your faith through constant service. You never have to perform usefulness in order to belong.

It means that if you feel called to participate, your church should make room for that calling.

An empowering church asks:

• Who gets to preach and teach?

• Who helps make decisions?

• Who serves on the board or leadership team?

• Whose experiences shape worship and education?

• Who determines the church’s outreach priorities?

• Who is trusted to speak about theology, justice, family, gender, and community life?

• Are LGBTQIA+ people invited to lead only LGBTQIA+ programs, or are they part of every aspect of church life?

Empowerment means that LGBTQIA+ people are not only recipients of pastoral care.

They are pastors, teachers, theologians, organizers, elders, artists, leaders, neighbors, and friends.

They are not only welcomed into someone else’s church.

They help build the church.

The difference between a welcome and a seat at the table

Sometimes an affirming church says:

“We are glad you are here.”

An empowering church says:

“We need your voice at the table.”

Sometimes an affirming church says:

“You may participate.”

An empowering church says:

“You may help decide what participation looks like.”

Sometimes an affirming church offers care to LGBTQIA+ people.

An empowering church also receives wisdom, leadership, correction, and vision from LGBTQIA+ people.

This is the difference between being invited into a finished room and being trusted to help design the room.

It is the difference between permission and partnership.

It is the difference between being included in ministry and being equipped for ministry.

MCC has been focused on empowerment from the beginning

Metropolitan Community Churches began in 1968, when Rev. Troy Perry gathered LGBTQ+ people for worship in a time when many churches rejected them outright.

MCC did not begin as a movement that waited for LGBTQIA+ people to be tolerated.

MCC began because LGBTQIA+ people were already people of faith, already seeking God, already serving others, and already called to ministry.

From the beginning, MCC created space for queer people to worship, lead, preach, organize, advocate, and serve. Faith and identity did not have to be separated. Spiritual life and justice work did not have to be separated.

That history continues to shape us.

Many churches today are working toward becoming an affirming church. MCC has been intentionally focused on empowering queer people in the life of the church since our founding.

That does not make us perfect.

It does make our purpose clear.

Empowerment requires humility and continued work

At Safe Harbor MCC, we want to be honest about where we are.

We still have work to do.

We are still learning what it means to become fully anti-racist. We are still working to heal and eradicate sexism. We are still examining the ways we carry the habits and assumptions of United States society into our church life.

Within LGBTQIA+ communities, we still need to do our work around gender identity and transgender experience. We need to listen more carefully. We need to notice who is missing, who is interrupted, who is carrying too much, and who has not yet been given room to lead.

That work is already underway.

We have made great strides.

We are committed to continuing.

Our queer, trans, nonbinary pastor is part of that witness. So are the many people who show up with courage, honesty, humor, questions, gifts, and hope.

An inclusive faith community does not become empowering by claiming it has arrived.

It becomes empowering by staying open to truth.

It becomes empowering by sharing authority.

It becomes empowering by making room for transformation.

What should you look for in an empowering church?

As you explore an affirming Christian ministry or progressive Christian church, listen for more than welcoming words.

Look for LGBTQIA+ people serving in visible and meaningful leadership.

Look for queer and trans people preaching, teaching, planning worship, shaping policy, and making decisions.

Look for a church that welcomes your questions instead of demanding instant certainty.

Look for accountability when harm happens.

Look for a progressive church that connects worship with justice, mercy, service, and community care.

Look for a place where you are not treated as a symbol, a project, or a special guest.

Look for a church where you can bring your whole self, and where your whole self is understood as part of the community’s strength.

Most of all, notice how you feel.

Do you feel merely tolerated?

Do you feel carefully managed?

Or do you feel invited to grow, contribute, lead, and become more fully yourself?

You belong, and you have something to offer

You deserve an LGBTQ friendly church where your identity is honored.

You deserve an open and affirming church where your faith is taken seriously.

You deserve an inclusive church where you can worship without fear.

And you deserve more than a place that allows you to sit quietly in the back.

You deserve a community that recognizes your gifts.

You deserve a church that helps you discover your calling.

You deserve a church that trusts you with the work of love.

At Safe Harbor MCC, we are 100% committed to being that place for LGBTQIA+ and Queer folx: a place where you are welcomed, affirmed, equipped, and empowered to do the work of Christ Jesus.

You belong here.

Your voice matters here.

Your gifts matter here.

There is room for you at the table, and there is room for you to help set it.

Learn more about Safe Harbor MCC and connect with our community. We would be glad to worship, learn, serve, and continue the journey with you.